WHAT a day. So many things have happened, one of which involves Brandi. Yesterday I emailed Tracy to see how they were doing, and to say hello. I also took the opportunity to ask if she'd had anything in mind for payment on Brandi. Mind you, it's been 6 weeks since I sold Texas, and when I told her I was selling him I asked her if she would pay me out for Brandi. She said sure. Well, since then, she's not made any attempt to contact me about Brandi - or anything.
Her response in my inbox this morning was that she hoped that I could bear with her because their 4-wheeler broke down and would cost about $1,000 to fix and she's trying to pay off her hay guy. OK. Then she went on to say that HONESTLY, she wouldn't have "taken" Brandi had she known she'd have to pay out cash for her. Um, you didn't "take" her, you "bought" her, like I didn't "take" Texas, I bought him. So then she said she can't break Mackenzie's heart, so she hoped I'd be understanding. Me, understanding? I have been nothing BUT! When have I ever not been understanding or nice or giving or go out of my way for them!?!?!?! REALLY???
Oh, I feel sooooo taken advantage of. In soooo many ways. Let's just see what else we can take Charlotte for... I can't believe I let this happen to me again. It's been a loooong time since someone's crossed me like this. I trusted and believed and had faith in her as a good person. I guess that's why God says trust not in men.
So Al and I have gone over this for over an hour, and we went back and forth as to whether or not we'd just go pick Brandi up. At first I wanted to, with the thought that maybe I would keep her. Then almost as fast as the thought came, it left. I sold her for a reason - we did not get along. What would be different? Brandi is still Brandi, and I'm still me. I still don't want to fight with her, and I still don't want to commit to the time she needs to keep her ridable. So no, I will not be going to get Brandi. She is in a good home and I am thankful for that - and that is what's most important to me. Instead, I'm going to offer up that she pay me two payments of $150 each - one in April and one in May - and we'll call it even. That's a $360 BREAK, friends. She is getting a really f------ good horse for $300. I sunk a lot in to her on top of that, so she's coming out smelling like a rose for sure.
Whether or not I'll speak my peace once I get (or don't get) the $300 I haven't decided yet. I need to forgive, but man, it's hard! I wanted this horse thing so badly, but all it's done is cost me money and heartache.
I'm done.
I may - MAY - ask Stacy if she'll lease me Freckles for like $50 a month. I'm not even sure I'm going to do that.
Al said to me after our conversation tonight - Please don't buy another horse. And I said - Don't worry, I won't. And I mean that.
Speaking of Al and conversation, he offered to go a little nuts on them and get Brandi. I was flattered by his wanting to protect me and make it right for me. :) My brut of a husband. :) He said within an hour of a conversation with them he'd have a trailer over there to get her, and I don't one bit doubt him. He is a force to be reckoned with sometimes! He also asked if I wanted him to go have a conversation with Gene. I told him no, it's not between him and Gene, it's between me and Tracy. Besides, Al would end up knocking Gene out and getting arrested, and I don't need THAT stress on top of everything else. And I'm not being sarcastic or joking - he really would. I know him too well.
So I'll be sending an email with my payment expectations tomorrow. We'll see what kind of response I get. Ultimately, I'm turning the page right now on something that has taught me a huge lesson. I hope it's gotten to her conscience - if the tables were turned, it'd be a "business transaction" and she'd expect payment. She should walk the walk since she can talk the talk.
Tuesday, March 20, 2012
Monday, March 19, 2012
Some things may be better left unsaid
Last night was another gorgeous night! I met Stacy over by Cheryl's, and we played with Freckles. I brushed her out and picked hooves, and she was again terrific. I am impressed that I had her ground-tied the entire time!!! Even when I left to get tack and tacked up - ground-tied!! She is a really, really smart girl. I think Tracy would say she's the kind of horse that is looking to stay OUT of trouble. She is very responsive when I ask something of her, which is fantastic. I ask politely first, and if she doesn't respond, I increase the pressure. When she responds, I praise her. WOW! How simple is that!?!?! LOVING IT!
On a side note, got my handy stick from CA yesterday - all pink - LOVE. IT!
So I tacked her up and took her to lunge in the round pen before hopping on. She did good - there was one point where she "got stuck" so I increased pressure to push her in to a canter, and she whipped out one or two little bucks. :) Then she settled in and did what I asked without attitude. I got on, rode around a bit, and felt that she's still limping. Stacy said she wonders if she's just stiff from not being worked, but I think she needs to be looked at. I asked her if she wanted to have the vet out, and she said not yet. I have to respect that - she's not my horse. I just remember not to ask much of her and she'll be ok.
As we were talking, Stacy said she wanted to lay it out there for me that she is NOT in the market to sell Freckles. I told her that was good, because I'm not in the market to buy a horse right now. But I did tell her that if she told me right now that she wanted to sell Freckles, I'm pretty sure (sarcastically meaning there's no doubt) I'd take her off of her hands! :) I would snap that horse up in a heartbeat! But, as the conversation went on, she was saying things like "My goal this summer is to get you confident so you can ride other horses. Freckles is a confidence builder, and she will help you get to the point where you can ride other horses." When I told her I wasn't sure confidence "building" was what I needed, I feel that I need a mellow horse like Freckles, she started talking about how I've had bad experiences, and I need some good ones now to make me confident.
OK, I don't know that I need confidence building. I've kind of been there, done that. After 5 years and how many horses, I think what I need is a trusty mount - one that is in exactly the place Freckles is in. Smart, SUPER-sane, SUPER quiet, the perfect age, the perfect size… I need Freckles. How do I tell her that? Or DO I tell her that? I hate that now this has kind of thrown me in to a funk. I feel like "great, now Freckles will be taken away from me, too." Dumb thought. Really!?! It's March, and you JUST started riding again! How about I sit back, relax, ENJOY Freckles, and if I get to a point where I'm riding 2-3 times a week, I can work out a lease with Stacy. I know she's not going to up and sell Freckles to someone else - so I need to stop being in this funk. Really, maybe Freckles and I will forge such a bond that Stacy will be ok selling her to me. Heck, maybe I don't want to buy her! Maybe I just lease and let her take care of the vet, hooves, etc. I just pay and ride, that's all. Although if I fall in love with her, like I am, I will most likely want to have her as my own.
I guess I'll have to wait and see. Too early to tell what will happen. All i know is that I am HAVING FUN again, and it's wonderful! I love this horse. And I do think I want her as my own. OK, getting a little emotional. Gotta go for now!
Is this where I deeply regret not buying her when Stacy was going to sell her for $1,500? I already DO regret it. :( So Hans would sell me any of their three horses. But HE doesn't own Freckles. Hmmm. I cannot question why things happened this way - only trust them to turn out even better. Thanks, Jesus!! :)
On a side note, got my handy stick from CA yesterday - all pink - LOVE. IT!
So I tacked her up and took her to lunge in the round pen before hopping on. She did good - there was one point where she "got stuck" so I increased pressure to push her in to a canter, and she whipped out one or two little bucks. :) Then she settled in and did what I asked without attitude. I got on, rode around a bit, and felt that she's still limping. Stacy said she wonders if she's just stiff from not being worked, but I think she needs to be looked at. I asked her if she wanted to have the vet out, and she said not yet. I have to respect that - she's not my horse. I just remember not to ask much of her and she'll be ok.
As we were talking, Stacy said she wanted to lay it out there for me that she is NOT in the market to sell Freckles. I told her that was good, because I'm not in the market to buy a horse right now. But I did tell her that if she told me right now that she wanted to sell Freckles, I'm pretty sure (sarcastically meaning there's no doubt) I'd take her off of her hands! :) I would snap that horse up in a heartbeat! But, as the conversation went on, she was saying things like "My goal this summer is to get you confident so you can ride other horses. Freckles is a confidence builder, and she will help you get to the point where you can ride other horses." When I told her I wasn't sure confidence "building" was what I needed, I feel that I need a mellow horse like Freckles, she started talking about how I've had bad experiences, and I need some good ones now to make me confident.
OK, I don't know that I need confidence building. I've kind of been there, done that. After 5 years and how many horses, I think what I need is a trusty mount - one that is in exactly the place Freckles is in. Smart, SUPER-sane, SUPER quiet, the perfect age, the perfect size… I need Freckles. How do I tell her that? Or DO I tell her that? I hate that now this has kind of thrown me in to a funk. I feel like "great, now Freckles will be taken away from me, too." Dumb thought. Really!?! It's March, and you JUST started riding again! How about I sit back, relax, ENJOY Freckles, and if I get to a point where I'm riding 2-3 times a week, I can work out a lease with Stacy. I know she's not going to up and sell Freckles to someone else - so I need to stop being in this funk. Really, maybe Freckles and I will forge such a bond that Stacy will be ok selling her to me. Heck, maybe I don't want to buy her! Maybe I just lease and let her take care of the vet, hooves, etc. I just pay and ride, that's all. Although if I fall in love with her, like I am, I will most likely want to have her as my own.
I guess I'll have to wait and see. Too early to tell what will happen. All i know is that I am HAVING FUN again, and it's wonderful! I love this horse. And I do think I want her as my own. OK, getting a little emotional. Gotta go for now!
Is this where I deeply regret not buying her when Stacy was going to sell her for $1,500? I already DO regret it. :( So Hans would sell me any of their three horses. But HE doesn't own Freckles. Hmmm. I cannot question why things happened this way - only trust them to turn out even better. Thanks, Jesus!! :)
Monday, March 12, 2012
She's my baby girl!
Yesterday was a phenomenal day! The weather was gorgeous - mid 60's - and I had a wonderful ride on Frecks! What a great horse! AND, she loves attention and to snuggle. Um hello? This is what I have been wanting for all along! There is one thing - she's limping still. Jen brought up a good point that when I looked at Frecks last fall, she was limping then too. Stace said we'll keep an eye on her and if it continues she'll have the vet out. Well I'm certainly not going to ride her hard, but even just going up the hill I felt bad for her. I might look in to some glucosamine or something for her. As long as I'm not hurting her, I am really comfortable on her!
The neighbor's girlfriend's crazy Weim ran over and Frecks got a little nervous, but it was all good. I turned her in some circles and did some serpentines - yes, I was a bit nervous, but not scared enough to jump off. She was controllable and that was terrific! Then, all by myself, I took her around the property, up the big hill to the road and over around on the road a bit. She did the "turn-in" to the driveways, but I urged her forward - and she hardly gave me any flack at all!!!!!! With some consistent riding, she is not going to be hard to get to go out alone at all. She's a wonderful girl!
Even better - we took a short break from riding when Candi showed up. So, I sat on the step by the milkhouse, and Frecks put her head down by my face so I could pet her nose and snuggle her head!! Send me over the moon! Stace said she LOVES to be loved on. OMG, I believe this is meant to be. So she's not mine - Stacy said I can ride her all summer, and if I wanted to lease her we could work something out! How awesome-cool is that? I would pay for board and brush/ride her, and Stacy pays for hooves, vet, shots, teeth, feed… and I'm getting the best part of the deal! Love and trust and rides from an outstanding horse! I almost can't even believe this is really happening… I SHOULD believe it… I prayed and prayed and put my trust in The Lord, and this is obviously the direction he had me heading to the whole time. A few twists and turns along the way, but I'm only stronger because of them.
Mom came home yesterday afternoon from Mary's and I was telling her about my ride and how wonderful it was and Freckles is, and she says "So did you buy her?" Ummmm, nooooo. She's not for sale, mom. BUT, now that I think about that a bit, if she was for sale I would certainly scoop her up! I guess I've earned a reputation as a compulsive horse buyer? :)
I can't wait to have Jill out to take some pics and some videos of us together. She's the perfect size - not too small but def not too big, she's got such a pretty face, and her forelock and mane are thick and beautiful, as is her tail. I have to make a list of things to get from Fleet Farm - Cowboy Magic is first on the list! :)
It was pretty funny, too, that Hans was there said "I've got three horses for you to pick from, what color do you want?" LOL! Maybe I'll get to learn to ride Sambra after all! BUT, Frecks is my baby girl. :) <3
The neighbor's girlfriend's crazy Weim ran over and Frecks got a little nervous, but it was all good. I turned her in some circles and did some serpentines - yes, I was a bit nervous, but not scared enough to jump off. She was controllable and that was terrific! Then, all by myself, I took her around the property, up the big hill to the road and over around on the road a bit. She did the "turn-in" to the driveways, but I urged her forward - and she hardly gave me any flack at all!!!!!! With some consistent riding, she is not going to be hard to get to go out alone at all. She's a wonderful girl!
Even better - we took a short break from riding when Candi showed up. So, I sat on the step by the milkhouse, and Frecks put her head down by my face so I could pet her nose and snuggle her head!! Send me over the moon! Stace said she LOVES to be loved on. OMG, I believe this is meant to be. So she's not mine - Stacy said I can ride her all summer, and if I wanted to lease her we could work something out! How awesome-cool is that? I would pay for board and brush/ride her, and Stacy pays for hooves, vet, shots, teeth, feed… and I'm getting the best part of the deal! Love and trust and rides from an outstanding horse! I almost can't even believe this is really happening… I SHOULD believe it… I prayed and prayed and put my trust in The Lord, and this is obviously the direction he had me heading to the whole time. A few twists and turns along the way, but I'm only stronger because of them.
Mom came home yesterday afternoon from Mary's and I was telling her about my ride and how wonderful it was and Freckles is, and she says "So did you buy her?" Ummmm, nooooo. She's not for sale, mom. BUT, now that I think about that a bit, if she was for sale I would certainly scoop her up! I guess I've earned a reputation as a compulsive horse buyer? :)
I can't wait to have Jill out to take some pics and some videos of us together. She's the perfect size - not too small but def not too big, she's got such a pretty face, and her forelock and mane are thick and beautiful, as is her tail. I have to make a list of things to get from Fleet Farm - Cowboy Magic is first on the list! :)
It was pretty funny, too, that Hans was there said "I've got three horses for you to pick from, what color do you want?" LOL! Maybe I'll get to learn to ride Sambra after all! BUT, Frecks is my baby girl. :) <3
Friday, March 9, 2012
A bond for the ages?
OK Sambra. She's Hans' Paso Fino... an adorable little Spanish breed. She's about as tall as Brandi was, but more petite and fine boned. She's got the most beautiful long, wavy black forelock, mane and tail. She's solid black - just beautiful! But she's really very skittish. She's incredibly head shy, so you move too fast and she's outta there. Hans got her as part of his divorce... he paid quite a bit for her, and apparently she's got some really good breeding and training. They told me she's shy on the ground, but under saddle she's just a great girl!
I would really love to ride her. I'd love to feel the gait of a Paso, and boy would it be so cool to me if I could form a bond with her! She's kind of my dream horse - at least in the looks department. I don't know if she'd be my dream horse in temperament and personality! She sure does seem sweet. She really wants attention when you're up there - she just doesn't seem confident enough to let you give it to her. Hans said he thinks one of the trainers that worked with her was quite rough - borderline abusive toward her. :( Hearing that really makes me want to try to bond with her even more for some strange reason. I'm guessing my "rescue instinct" kicks in, and I just want her to know she can trust people.
Now that I'll be spending time up by Cheryl, maybe I can spend some time trying to befriend little Sambra. Such a petite little beauty! :)
I would really love to ride her. I'd love to feel the gait of a Paso, and boy would it be so cool to me if I could form a bond with her! She's kind of my dream horse - at least in the looks department. I don't know if she'd be my dream horse in temperament and personality! She sure does seem sweet. She really wants attention when you're up there - she just doesn't seem confident enough to let you give it to her. Hans said he thinks one of the trainers that worked with her was quite rough - borderline abusive toward her. :( Hearing that really makes me want to try to bond with her even more for some strange reason. I'm guessing my "rescue instinct" kicks in, and I just want her to know she can trust people.
Now that I'll be spending time up by Cheryl, maybe I can spend some time trying to befriend little Sambra. Such a petite little beauty! :)
Pigeon-Toed Beauty
The great thing that's happening with Freckles… so simple, yet so important. I bring her down to the barn to groom - inside or out - and I do not have a fear of her jumping, spooking, exploding, kicking, or in any way shape or form throwing herself in to me and hurting me. That was honestly a fear I had with Texas, sometimes Brandi, and CeCe. I never felt that way with Leah, because I knew she was just going to stand there calmly. There were a few times where she danced around - one time when I took her to a clinic by Tracy, and another time by Tracy when she saw a mule for the first time. But even then, I WAS NOT afraid to be near her. I knew I could check her by her halter, and she'd behave. She was never going to step on me or mow me over. That is how I feel with Freckles. How important it is to not be afraid during that first bit of contact! I don't think I realized that until now; now that I have it again.
I'm a bit concerned about Frecks, though. I took her in the round pen last night to lunge, and she was immediately responsive in to a trot. I worked really hard chasing at her to get her in to a canter, and she wouldn't go. When she did, she broke gait before a full circle, and it was rough getting her back in to it. Do I view that as disrespect, or is there something hurting her? Wimpy me tends to worry too much if it's something hurting her, but then WHAT IF IT IS!? She did not kick, she did not pin her ears, she did not give me any indication that she was going to harm me in any way. So I get her to switch direction, and when driving her clockwise she is not going long before I notice a limp. Sigh. I try to get her in to a canter for a few strides, and I can tell she doesn't want to. Now, Frecks hasn't been ridden in months. Totally out of shape, much like myself. :) So, is she testing to see if I'll MAKE her go in to a canter, or is she hurting? The stickI was using sucked, so I just got off the phone with Clint at Clinton Anderson :) to order my all-pink handy-stick. So excited!!!
When on the phone with Cheryl this morning, I told her about the limp. She asked lots of questions, and I answered honestly - I couldn't really tell if it was her right or left, because I don't think I have enough experience to answer that question confidently. I know it sounds dumb, but I don't. All I know is she was bobbing her head, and one stride was much shorter than the other. So Cheryl told me that Frecks is pigeon-toed, and that might be what's making her "off". When I go this weekend, I will try again and see what happens.
Funny - I thought to myself GREAT, here is this nice horse that I really wanna ride, etc., and she ends up limping. What if she's lame? DUH! What kind of horse would be better for me!? If she ends up lame, I can get her some supplements to help her joints, etc. and as long as she's comfortable, what better horse for me to ride!? Seriously!?! She doesn't have much interest in going fast - that Cheryl told me last year when they took her to Cowgirl Camp! So, why on EARTH would I not want to pursue riding her!? For the plodding around the fields, up and down the road, why wouldn't I be content with that? I don't even really like trotting all that much! Tracy made me do it all the time and I kinda dreaded it. So if I have a horse that wants to walk 99% of the time, it'd be a PERFECT MATCH!
I am looking forward to playing with Frecks this weekend. Cheryl told Stacy that I sold Tex, and Stacy happens to be doing the feeding for Cheryl this weekend while she's gone skiing. So, I think I'm-a-gonna call Stace and ask her if she wants to go for a short ride tomorrow. Depending on how things go, I'm considering buying some boots for Frecks from CA. It certainly can't hurt her, and it's good for ANY horse. I was going to get them for Tex, but never got around to it. I don't want to go and spend lots of money on a horse that isn't mine, but I'm not giving them to Stace, I'm using them. And, if I end up leasing Frecks, what am I losing? Worst case scenario, if everything doesn't work out as planned, I can sell it all on Craig's and at least recoup some of the money. I've thrown money away in WAY worse ways!
So my pity-party of I'm not good enough is over for now. :) We'll see how my rides go with Frecks this weekend. Plus, I am really loving the horses over by Cheryl. Last night Sadie and Chips came over and were snuggling with me. Even Sambra was wanting my attention! She is a pretty little thing! All black, petite, and has the most beautiful wavy black long forelock, mane and tail. The thought even entered my mind that I'd like to try to work with Sambra and get her over her shyness. I just need to remember these are not my horses. But oh, if we could ever be compatible, that would be so cool! A little Paso Fino for me! ;) I couldn't afford her! :P But seriously, Frecks is beautiful, she's a great size, and she's a wonderful soul. And THAT'S what matters most!
I'm a bit concerned about Frecks, though. I took her in the round pen last night to lunge, and she was immediately responsive in to a trot. I worked really hard chasing at her to get her in to a canter, and she wouldn't go. When she did, she broke gait before a full circle, and it was rough getting her back in to it. Do I view that as disrespect, or is there something hurting her? Wimpy me tends to worry too much if it's something hurting her, but then WHAT IF IT IS!? She did not kick, she did not pin her ears, she did not give me any indication that she was going to harm me in any way. So I get her to switch direction, and when driving her clockwise she is not going long before I notice a limp. Sigh. I try to get her in to a canter for a few strides, and I can tell she doesn't want to. Now, Frecks hasn't been ridden in months. Totally out of shape, much like myself. :) So, is she testing to see if I'll MAKE her go in to a canter, or is she hurting? The stickI was using sucked, so I just got off the phone with Clint at Clinton Anderson :) to order my all-pink handy-stick. So excited!!!
When on the phone with Cheryl this morning, I told her about the limp. She asked lots of questions, and I answered honestly - I couldn't really tell if it was her right or left, because I don't think I have enough experience to answer that question confidently. I know it sounds dumb, but I don't. All I know is she was bobbing her head, and one stride was much shorter than the other. So Cheryl told me that Frecks is pigeon-toed, and that might be what's making her "off". When I go this weekend, I will try again and see what happens.
Funny - I thought to myself GREAT, here is this nice horse that I really wanna ride, etc., and she ends up limping. What if she's lame? DUH! What kind of horse would be better for me!? If she ends up lame, I can get her some supplements to help her joints, etc. and as long as she's comfortable, what better horse for me to ride!? Seriously!?! She doesn't have much interest in going fast - that Cheryl told me last year when they took her to Cowgirl Camp! So, why on EARTH would I not want to pursue riding her!? For the plodding around the fields, up and down the road, why wouldn't I be content with that? I don't even really like trotting all that much! Tracy made me do it all the time and I kinda dreaded it. So if I have a horse that wants to walk 99% of the time, it'd be a PERFECT MATCH!
I am looking forward to playing with Frecks this weekend. Cheryl told Stacy that I sold Tex, and Stacy happens to be doing the feeding for Cheryl this weekend while she's gone skiing. So, I think I'm-a-gonna call Stace and ask her if she wants to go for a short ride tomorrow. Depending on how things go, I'm considering buying some boots for Frecks from CA. It certainly can't hurt her, and it's good for ANY horse. I was going to get them for Tex, but never got around to it. I don't want to go and spend lots of money on a horse that isn't mine, but I'm not giving them to Stace, I'm using them. And, if I end up leasing Frecks, what am I losing? Worst case scenario, if everything doesn't work out as planned, I can sell it all on Craig's and at least recoup some of the money. I've thrown money away in WAY worse ways!
So my pity-party of I'm not good enough is over for now. :) We'll see how my rides go with Frecks this weekend. Plus, I am really loving the horses over by Cheryl. Last night Sadie and Chips came over and were snuggling with me. Even Sambra was wanting my attention! She is a pretty little thing! All black, petite, and has the most beautiful wavy black long forelock, mane and tail. The thought even entered my mind that I'd like to try to work with Sambra and get her over her shyness. I just need to remember these are not my horses. But oh, if we could ever be compatible, that would be so cool! A little Paso Fino for me! ;) I couldn't afford her! :P But seriously, Frecks is beautiful, she's a great size, and she's a wonderful soul. And THAT'S what matters most!
Doomed a lesson-taker forever?
So I met Bella. Totally cute, awesome size. But she is not THE ONE. I'm so glad I prepared myself. She was a good little pony - had some pretty good training. Definitely broke. But SASSY. The girl lunged the heck out of her before getting on, because she hadn't been ridden in three weeks. Then she did everything that was asked of her pretty well. I got on, and I instantly tensed up, and the girl saw it. She helped me relax - I'm pretty sure she's given lessons. She was super sweet, and so very patient. I think outside of a horse-selling relationship, we might be friends! :) But I just didn't feel it with Bella. Interestingly, the girl was able to point out why Bella was acting so sassy with me. My reins weren't even at one point, and at another point I wasn't giving enough release to pressure quick enough, and at ANOTHER point, my leg was in contact with her which was confusing her. SHEESH. I thought I was a better rider than that!
So Bella out of the question now, I do question my own abilities. Really!? Do I get down on myself about messing up CeCe, and totally confusing my poor Leah? I don't know!!!! Am I way worse at this than I thought?? I dunno, Cheryl has never taken lessons, nor has Nicki, and they seem to do just fine. Maybe part of it is that they don't feel fear like I do? I know Cheryl doesn't. OK, I know I shouldn't compare myself to anyone else, but really. How do kids ride successfully then? Is this a sign that I just shouldn't be involved with horses? More praying!
After I dropped Jill off from meeting Bella, I went over by Freckles. Again, she was a sweetie. Easy to catch, calm demeanor, she really reminded me of Leah last night. She stood wonderfully for me as I groomed her. No attitude, and she let me dote on her. LOVED IT! So I took her in the round pen to do some light lunging, figuring OK if I'm going to ride this horse, I should give her a little conditioning beforehand, and myself too. She lunged great, except when I asked her for a canter she didn't do it easily. I saw why after a bit of cantering. She was limping. :( OH NO. So I stopped, but I was sad that after lunging when I came up to her, she felt like she had to take off again. I so badly want to find that balance of "I will ask you to work, but I will love you to pieces". I guess, how do I expect that after two days!?!? Some continued contact with her will be good. She has the sane quiet mind of Leah, I hope she's as forgiving under saddle. BUT, dilemma. How do I tell Cheryl/Stacy that she's limping, and not have them think it's my fault? Ugh. :( And even if they don't think it's my fault, what if they don't have the vet out? Do I even attempt to ride poor Frecks with a lameness issue? No way! So am I stuck again? I guess, this is really not about me at this point, right? Maybe this is the sign to remind me that I do NOT want to contend with vet bills and farrier bills, etc. anymore.
Ugh. I want to write more. I have to write about pretty little Sambra. But not right now. I'll be baaaaaaack! :)
So Bella out of the question now, I do question my own abilities. Really!? Do I get down on myself about messing up CeCe, and totally confusing my poor Leah? I don't know!!!! Am I way worse at this than I thought?? I dunno, Cheryl has never taken lessons, nor has Nicki, and they seem to do just fine. Maybe part of it is that they don't feel fear like I do? I know Cheryl doesn't. OK, I know I shouldn't compare myself to anyone else, but really. How do kids ride successfully then? Is this a sign that I just shouldn't be involved with horses? More praying!
After I dropped Jill off from meeting Bella, I went over by Freckles. Again, she was a sweetie. Easy to catch, calm demeanor, she really reminded me of Leah last night. She stood wonderfully for me as I groomed her. No attitude, and she let me dote on her. LOVED IT! So I took her in the round pen to do some light lunging, figuring OK if I'm going to ride this horse, I should give her a little conditioning beforehand, and myself too. She lunged great, except when I asked her for a canter she didn't do it easily. I saw why after a bit of cantering. She was limping. :( OH NO. So I stopped, but I was sad that after lunging when I came up to her, she felt like she had to take off again. I so badly want to find that balance of "I will ask you to work, but I will love you to pieces". I guess, how do I expect that after two days!?!? Some continued contact with her will be good. She has the sane quiet mind of Leah, I hope she's as forgiving under saddle. BUT, dilemma. How do I tell Cheryl/Stacy that she's limping, and not have them think it's my fault? Ugh. :( And even if they don't think it's my fault, what if they don't have the vet out? Do I even attempt to ride poor Frecks with a lameness issue? No way! So am I stuck again? I guess, this is really not about me at this point, right? Maybe this is the sign to remind me that I do NOT want to contend with vet bills and farrier bills, etc. anymore.
Ugh. I want to write more. I have to write about pretty little Sambra. But not right now. I'll be baaaaaaack! :)
Wednesday, March 7, 2012
How will I knoooooow?
It's been three weeks now since I've sold Texas, and TOTALLY GOOD with having sold him. I know it was the right thing. How do I know? I don't know - I just... DO. So I'm looking for this exact feeling tomorrow when I go to meet Bella. If I don't feel like I MUST MUST MUST have this very horse right now, I will thank her politely for her time and wish her well, and I WILL LEAVE. I will not feel bad for "wasting" her time, or be talked in to something that isn't divinely perfect. I won't waver and go wellllll, maybe I can fix that, or that's not so bad, or maybe with me she'll be different. Nope. If she's not perfect, forget it.
What's helping me with the bravery? Well, two things really. First, my friend Jill. Second, Freckles. And really, both of them together in "The Plan". So when I started thinking about horse ownership again... 6 days after giving up on Texas... Jill challenged me to take up an offer from my friend Cheryl to ride Freckles when I need a horse fix. She crafted "The Plan", a two-month method of sorts to follow to help me decide whether horse ownership is really what I want. It's broken down by week, with activities and exercises for me to complete. So far, I've written down my feelings, made a pros and cons list for each horse I've owned/ridden, detailing what is absolutely essential to my potential next horse, and what is unacceptable, and tonight, I went to Cheryl's, got Frecks out of the pasture, took her down to the barn and groomed and hung out with her. She was an absolute sweetheart. For a horse that really doesn't know me, she calmly came with me, trusted me, and willingly let me groom her. She had a nice demeanor the whole time. There was a stack of hay covered up with some tarps that were flapping in the wind really hard, and she was not flapped by it at all! It was wonderful. I felt on top of the world when I left.
So, I see that Cheryl has her round pen fixed. That makes me soooo happy - I can't wait to saddle up and take her in there to goof around! I am gonna have a ton of fun in that round pen. :)
Tomorrow is a big day for me. Thankfully my friend Jill is going with me. She'll keep me grounded. And, I haven't forgotten the freedom of no boarding expense, no vet bills, etc. Though when you have a perfect partner, it's worth every last penny.
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