How badly I want to understand. I want to understand why I've made so many bad decisions. I want to understand why Leah died. I know that I need to trust GOD and not ask why. I have to meditate on that, because wondering why is just killing me. Now I feel like Freckles is the perfect horse for me, and I wonder why I didn't buy her back when Stacy was going to sell her to me for $1500. Now she doesn't want to sell her, and if she did, it would be for like $3,000. It makes my heart so very sad. I said I wouldn't get another horse, and boy did I ever mean it after going through what I just went through.
But now. Now I found true happiness with Freckles - like the true happiness I had with Leah. And I can't have her. Is she not the only one out there? Is she just here for me now to know that I CAN do this?
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